He's only 17

At 17 there are many things that lay ahead for a young man. He has the potential to be anything, go anywhere, see and experience the entire world! Yet he also has the potential to live a hard, unproductive life. A life of sorrow. A life of guilt. A life filled with trials and tribulations. How cosmically unbecoming is it that when we seem to do everything right in our lives, troubles still come our way?
I pray for this young man each and every day. I pray for his wisdom to work, for his judgement to be kind, and for his decisions to be productive towards his future. He has earth shattering potential locked inside of him. He is a crop duster with fighter pilot dreams! He is a young boy on a merry-go-round horse with visions of riding bulls for a living. He is my heart, my job, my oldest friend. He grew inside my tummy, he changed my life forever, and I didn't mind a bit! He has loved me unconditionally when I least deserved it. He has made me laugh, made me cry, made me mad, made me wonder "why"?!?!!!
At 17, I was stupid, yet wise beyond my years. I was irresponsible, but trusted with so many precious gifts. I was always blessed! And I was about to become a mom, to a young man turning 17 this year.
It is hard to believe that the 2nd quarter of my life has passed so quickly. I feel as if I have just been a by-stander. What will the next 17 years bring? I can't wait to see.
Happy Birthday Cody James! You are the most precious boy and I can't wait to see the man you grow in to! I love you!!!

I saw your face

The other day, we were sitting in the hospital. I saw your face. I saw your fear. I saw your soul. I saw your heart, where it beats, where it lives. I saw the love that radiated out of you as you stepped toward your loved one and hugged them. I saw you trimble as they told you of their trials and tribulations. I saw you stand tall, you are a mighty oak tree in a stiff breeze. I saw you sigh as his eyes slowly closed, he was only resting. I saw you become a child, looking at your fathers face, this diagnoses of colon cancer looming over us all so heavy. I saw you become stronger, knowing that you would once again have to help someone you love fight this ugly monster. And even though you aren't the one with the disease, I saw you asking yourself, why....why him, why now, why ever. Why my family AGAIN?! I saw you look deep in to my eyes and know that I will be here with you every step of the way.

What do i want to accomplish

• Make it Home for CHRISTMAS
• COOKBOOK
• CUSTODY OF AT LEAST 1 KID
• BEAT CANCER FOREVER

Doesn't sound like too much of a stretch. I have 5 years before the baby is 18. Maybe I'll have my shit together by then!!! the book, Lawd Have Mercy....I don't know where to start!

Cancer has a mind of its own. We'll see what it has to say over time I reckon!

Feeling a little firery today. It was a roller coaster of a day for me. Going from crying to laughing to raging to..you name it. It was going on inside of me. I must say that the thing that had me the most today was the way my husband is treated by his employer. karma will get ya buddy! them boys just need to watch out!

I can't seem to fall asleep tonight. I have a ton of plans to make for this wedding. I really hope it all goes well!

Just wanted to say a few things before bed.

Till next time,

~LL

Here Goes Nothing

So, even though I often find my self on top of my soap box, I have never actually blogged about it. In the spirit of trying new things, expanding my horizons perhaps, here I am!

Read a story the other day, it was about a woman in her 4th round of a prize fight with ovarian cancer. 4th round! I am a bit confused, can the cancer still come back as the same cancer even if you are ovary free? And what are my chances of it coming back and am I actually fueling it's return by keeping one of my two hosts of said illness? I guess there was no way for me to know that ovarian cancer was going to be in my body to begin with. I don't know that I did anything in particular to cause this illness. I am nearly certain that I did nothing to avoid an illness. I despise that word right now, illness. With all the bad things it can mean. It is only 7 letters, but it is 7 letters that can wreck a good day.

I read back what I had written already, I really suck at this keeping a train of thought thing. I am now thinking that blogging is a great thing for me. It will be good to organize my thoughts and maybe even help me when I finally sit down to write that cookbook I keep talking about.

Till next time!

~LL